people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
Randomize
