what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
We did it in the bathroom in Taco Bell. We didn't buy anything before we left, which I thought was rude.
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
Good news. His dicks gotten wayy bigger since high school. I love Thanksgiving break.
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
Randomize
