she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
She's gone now. Left with the wind like a majestic leaf that just rides the invisible current to locations unknown. And dude, her friends were really hot.
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
Randomize
