Viking lives by an ancient code of honor that we do not understand.
What code could that possibly be? Bothering the fucking shit out of people while being physically repulsive?
I wish Morgan Freeman narrated my life.
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
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