Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
she went to type in rate my professors and rate my pussy came up in my recent searches. needless to say, i will likely be masturbating to the aforementioned site tonight.
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
Randomize
