Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
Dual, econ, hell, shiv, aunt, puppy. 1 out of 6. T9 word needs to learn how to cuss like me.
I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
adderall just fell out of my nose in class. guy next to me just nodded.
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
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