I'm sorry, but there's just something about mesh over nipples that irks me.
Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
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