She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
While he was going down town Julie brown, I was eating French fries. True Love
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
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