3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
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