I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
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