fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
Was it cool?
About as cool as only getting a handjob on your honeymoon.
You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
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