this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
Honestly it's a super power. I can try it a million different ways and nothing happens. Donnie casually says "ok this is now a toppless party" and it all kicks-off
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
Randomize
