They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
I just want to know how she convinced 6 sober ROTC guys to have an ab contest on a street corner at 2 in the morning.
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
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