did you know that the clit is basically just a tiny penis? Ya.. So just think about that next time you're down there.
we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
Your shirt... Was in my pants
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
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