I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
Her vagina should come with caution tape.
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
Also yeah I would definitely have to say that one of my favorite things to do is to get high and pet cats.
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
I haven't received a dick pic from him lately. He's not even my boyfriend and I'm concerned. I hope he's alright.
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
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