woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
True strength comes from lack of pants
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
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