I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
Watching boy meets world, drinking left over pink panty droppers and coloring in a my little pony coloring book. This is my Monday night
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
Randomize
