I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
Randomize
