Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
He has some good qualities. Beneath the layers of asshole and fat.
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
Do you relize what downtown will be like this week? Like open season. But instead of deer its hot baseball players from all over the country that we'll never have to see again. I swear the college world series is a gift from god.
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
Randomize
