You look like a girl that would like strip clubs
My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
i keep looking at my boobs and it just baffles me how he could give this up.
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
We're hate flirting, damnit.
Randomize
