So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
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