Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
Turns out you're obligated under man law to share any passwords you may have for porno sites
Is that what they're teaching u at that bar review class?
I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
I did not marry a roomba.
Randomize
