So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
hey quick question, what would you consider to be a "first date" porn?
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
the liver wants what the liver wants
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
Randomize
