Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
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