Everytime we come here you have an ex here.
we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
well, it ended with me crying outside the strip club saying i don't want to be 21 anymoree. i'd say it was a great 21st birthday.
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
Randomize
