After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
Randomize
