my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
come over, blizzard of oz party. dress up.
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
Randomize
