just had a super intense, drunken debate about which blink182 member is the most fuckable. i got so mad i left the room. new low.
he put his p in my v, then his p in my a, and then tried to put the p in my m? first, double dipping is rude. second, i'm glad he finished shortly after that, i'm afraid of where he'd try to stick it next. my ear?
My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
All I know is he mentioned whips, leather cuffs, and a riding crop. It's like Halloween, Christmas, and My birthday all in one. a 5 year old couldn't even possibly be this excited.
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
Randomize
