Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
I have no idea. But that is beside the point bc in vegas I'm a pro vball player from Ireland and a veterinarian on the weekends
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
Please note that in response to your post about your dog's jaws clamped hard around a stick, I did not comment, "Takes after his dad." You're welcome.
Drunk is not a location!
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
Randomize
