Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
the guy next to me needed a pen, so I let him take one from my book bag. my panties are now being passed around the class...thank you for telling me you hid them in my bookbag.
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
Why are you seriouly talking to me about this when there naked pics of blake lively on the internet? Priorities man...
Make this decision based on your love for dick - NOT based on the fact that its probably one of the worst things you've ever thought of doing
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
Randomize
