Pappa wants mamma naked
apparently i started the naked brigade. and depantsed everyone who wasn't naked. her parents must hate me.
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
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