Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
Randomize
