I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
You shouldn't do laundry high cus pink.
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
Drunk me commented on almost all of her pictures. My favorite one is titled "be as the sea". My comment is "cold, rough, large and letting anyone come inside you. you accomplished." Guessing I'm not invited to the party anymore.
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
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