After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
He just turned 21, it's very obvious the end of their relationship is near. Now we play the waiting game.
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
Randomize
