gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
dude the last time we saw him was 2 nights ago when he was yelling that the trees were naked or some shit then he ran into the forest. I think its time for a search party
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
It's next to that place that has cock fighting.
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
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