Hopefully the semester will be over before she has a breakout. Then I can just avoid the situation entirely
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
Randomize
