so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
I think it's just because she's got "I'll sleep with anyone with a decent car" written all over her face.
his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
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