I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
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