Her cum face looks like the large marge scene in pee-wees big adventure
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
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