You really coming over, don't trick.
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
Randomize
