Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
I wish life had little blips of pornography
Someone just pulled taco bell tacos out of their purse in class....2 problems with here. 1) this class is nutrition 2) taco bell is not open this early.
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
If you're signed up as "sober sister" can you do cocaine or nah
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
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