Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
Just role played anchorman. And yes, I did take her to pleasure town.
You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
Randomize
