So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
after last halloween when i met that 26yr old guy from russia who was hot until we madeout and he became obsessed with touching my forehead after the ecstasy he did and then tried to sell me pills from an m&m mini container, i think im staying away from parties downtown
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
Drunk me commented on almost all of her pictures. My favorite one is titled "be as the sea". My comment is "cold, rough, large and letting anyone come inside you. you accomplished." Guessing I'm not invited to the party anymore.
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
I'm having to shit out rocks
Randomize
