Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
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