But regardless, you really stood out last night, you should give me a chance
Sorry but you seem like a potential womanizer
In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
y-o-u-r-e = you are, y-o-u-r = your. you are a bag of douche not your bag of douche. if you're going to insult me at least do it in proper english. that is all.
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
Randomize
