guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
The air taste purple.
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
Randomize
