I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
Randomize
