i know ur right I'm sorry I'm stupid and incompitent look I can't even spell incompetent right! Fuck!
just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
If it makes you feel better, you're better at taking it in than ass than she is...
Well...yeah actually, that does make me feel better
Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
Randomize
