i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
Randomize
