i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
Randomize
