just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
Randomize
