people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
I figured if he was OK cheating on his gf with a guy, he'd be OK with me posting his number to m4m Craigslist Ads
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
Randomize
