I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
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