We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to
To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
Randomize
