This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
Randomize
