I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
So i think we're being coned into a threesome with the promise of pokemon
We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
Randomize
