if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
Randomize
