you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
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