Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
i want to fuck
?
it's pretty self explanatory
Four minutes until I can fart!
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
Randomize