and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
Randomize
