I told him he can't put it there till we're exclusive. That's totally The Relationship Hole.
Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
No problem...what are friends for if they can't rub eachothers genitals.
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
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