shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
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