my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
He said he got a lot of action last night. I asked how much? And he said he got to see down her shirt. Freshmen never cease to amaze me.
Its time to go balls to the wall to get any good D during these last few weeks of college.
Itll be like a collage of penis. And not that abstract, one penis in a big painting contemporary shit. Collage....
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
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