none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
Randomize
