They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
My liver is preforming stress tests.
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
Randomize
