i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
driving around with you guys listening to the beach boys made me very concious of how white you all are.
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
Do you rver get that feeling like their are poprocks filling ur boday?
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
Randomize
