then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
But today feels so special with katie getting herpes and me cleaning my room. Good things are happening.
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours
This is why you're my favorite TA
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
Randomize
