ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
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