If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
why dont you just whore around college until someone loves you...thats how it works for girls isnt it?
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
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