My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
Hold on, I'm google imaging "vagina close ups" to see if mine match up
How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
the girl next to me in class is drawing a guy banging a chick doggy style...its very detailed
We have nothing in common but the sex rocks, would it be awful to develop a drug habit just to have a topic of conversation?
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
Randomize
