i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
dude, i think we just came across a situation where tits weren't worth it.
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
Randomize