just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
I don't remember much but I remember it was a unanimous decision that Santa was indeed real and Cait's stripping somehow proved this.
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
Randomize
