Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
Both our collective sex appeal dies once someone cums on a snuggie kayla
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
Randomize
