He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
well i did feel guilty about it. until i saw how hot the guy was the next day. now, nothing but pride.
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
Randomize