we made out on top of his cat.
Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
Haha I will however wear glass and and draw a lightning bolt scar if you want to have sex that way, and that can be the only time you can call me Harry.
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
Pornhub is actually a very wholesome website
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
Randomize
