OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
You know it's time to leave Spain when you are back and forth between Skype and a Spanish dictionary trying to figure out out to say "I can still smell you on my skin."
Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
Randomize
