why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
went to library to start paper due tomorrow & took those orange addys u gave. now realizing they were ur xanax. completely fucked and going to fail, but calmly at peace with the situation.
he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
So for a second i just thought clitoris was a disease.
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
I feel like I shouldn't be encouraging my friends to hook up with their teachers.....but if it's for academic reasons....then I definitely encourage it.
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
Randomize