I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
I would have done it. But then again I am a starving student who can manipulate my brain into thinking my decision was somehow morally justifiable.
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
We did it in the bathroom in Taco Bell. We didn't buy anything before we left, which I thought was rude.
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
we should paint friendship bongs
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
Randomize
