you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
I was looking threw the photos on my phone. There is 8 different ones of us peeing on things.
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
Randomize
