i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
Randomize
