Nice 2 c u showing ur bro some affection
Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
ATTENTION ALL CONTESTANTS OF SLUTFEST 2012 ; not only will we be judging on how many penis you have sucked but also girth and length will be calculated. If you are found lying you will be disqualified. Remember your fellow participants will be rendering the same services to probably the same people. So choose wisely and let the games begin!
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
I wish I had a picture of me and ron helping that stripper lick her own vagina
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
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