and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
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