There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
Ok so the guy below me is either having sex very loudly or is very lonely
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
It's official drugs can't kill me
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
Randomize
