FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
your suggestions for charades were, getting sucked into an aircraft turbine, getting raped by a dolphin, and having sex with a vacuum cleaner. you got your own, and actually used a vacuum cleaner as a prop.
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
I think people are normalizing furries
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
Randomize
