I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
Fuckkkk i made out with a freshman.....but he's old for his age. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOURE NOT AROUND.
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
All i remember his him yelling yahtzee while pouring beer down her shirt .
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
Randomize
