You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
this speak and spell drinking game will be the death of us all.
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
Randomize
