it hasn't hit me that college is over yet. so far at home, i haven't brushed my teeth, taken off my makeup, or changed clothes before bed.
Good. You are like the clit whisperer.
you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
It goes to show, Sane person, daddy doms, little girls, all of us may seem different but deep inside we all grow wisdom teeth
Randomize
