please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
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