He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
We had sex on my friends waterbed ..after that the whole school kept asking him if he had fun getting "sea-sick" last night.
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
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