why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
I will keep you posted and someday if we daydrink teach you how to do a footjob
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
Randomize
