i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
no it's cool...i'm just drinking and studying...cool night
You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
Randomize
