He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
How long is enough time to schedule homosexual exploration... Like an hour?
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
Randomize
