Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
this will be a night to untag.
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
Randomize
