i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
Your favorite bartender is back from prision
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
Just climbed to the top of a frozen waterfall! Do you want to do drugs tm night? The two are unrelated.
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
Randomize