glad you had fun, i did too. am rubbing aloe on my butt now.
Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
i didnt like the question options for my yahoo account..so i made up the question and it was "favorite bathroom to shit in"
I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
Randomize
