I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
we're ranked number 5 for having the most pot in the country for a university school. idk if i should feel worried or just plain blessed.
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
Success! We fucked roommates!
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
Randomize
