she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
I cannot even describe to you the most amazing ass I have ever had the pleasure of seeing walk up the stairs in front of me just now.
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
ALMOST WRECKED MY SCOOTER. DAVE FRANCO HAS A TWIN AMD HE GOES HERE
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
Randomize
