And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
side note: on a scale of 1-10, how bad an idea is it to hook up with 9 cats guy?
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
I know you're having some issues right now but can we focus on the gangbang?
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
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