Just made out with a pet sitter. His biz card says "even hamsters". Lowest point in my life.
He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
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